and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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