Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
