i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Randomize
