Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
