i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
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You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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