this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
