no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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