My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
