I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so let's talk penis.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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