So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
