trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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