I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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