It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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