you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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