I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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