i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The air was thick with penises
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
