this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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