I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
