Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
