I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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