Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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