There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
