i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
