according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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