I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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