trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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