I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize