I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
