i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
