I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
