There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
literally had 100 drinks last night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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