peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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