U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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