I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
