Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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