Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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