I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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