tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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