I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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