Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
