i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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