where are you?
Hypothermia
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
