that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
