not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
