got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
