Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
