I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i will never coherently bang her
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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