The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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