GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
