Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
