Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
