No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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