Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
