On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
God I need to hump something, right now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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