She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
