That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
