She is in my trunk
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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