protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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