Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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