I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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