whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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