Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
