Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
