ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
