Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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