whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
