So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
